I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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