I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
