I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my shit smells like andre
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
