those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
