May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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