You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
