you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your cock deserves a montage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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