they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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