im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
