Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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