Its about making memories worth repressing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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