I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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