I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
