its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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