So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
