She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
