Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
