I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
