One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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