so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize