The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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