I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just tell him i said nine months
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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