Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
