I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
where am i from again
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
