That's intense
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
