Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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