By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
