Cold hands, warm shart.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
