You're completely useless in the revolution.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
