Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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