Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
even my farts smell like vagina
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
