last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
