my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
