fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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