either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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