He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
