You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
