im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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