real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
