Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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