Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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