Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
