I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
