woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
