i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
