people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
