I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize