I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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