Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
