I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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