its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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