Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize