You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
