I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and she was petting her beer can
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
