ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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