i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
