It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
