Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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