You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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