OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
