grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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