BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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