i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
