toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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