Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
