birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's the barista slut.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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