They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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