question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
