Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
