Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize