Acid is not a monday night drug
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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