Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
