For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
