I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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