You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
