so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
