you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
