Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
