My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
