i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
