I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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