everyone is single if you try hard enough
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
