so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
