He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
