you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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