yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
