i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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