i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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