One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize