Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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