ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
