If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
