my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
